During a HIIT session

I heard these lyrics for the first time three years ago. It was a warm summer day. Trying to work.

“I think I lost my way/ Getting good at starting over/ Ever time that I return.”

They returned to me today while exercising. Dave Grohl’s usual guttural intensity is subdued in this song. Vulnerable. It starkly contrasts the driving rock of the two songs on my Spotify playlist that precede it: “Everlong” and “The Pretenders.” I didn’t pick them or order them. I found the Foo Fighters. That was my only sin.

“Learning to walk again/ I believe I’ve waited long enough/ Where do I begin?”

There’s a lot of mileage covered since I cried that afternoon. Feeling like I was wrecked. Broken down. But still able to walk—that walking was my only option. The sun had invited me to open the windows of a walkout basement room, and a breeze stirred.

Where do I begin?

If you’ve ever stood on the very edge of a cliff or leaned over the railing of a very high building, you may have felt the dizzying rush of realizing how powerful you are, the power within you to live or fly. Your life is within your grasp. That’s what I felt when I broke down. I sensed what was coming.

When I heard “Walk” again today, I was somewhere between planking and Turkish getups. The initial rush of looking over the railing no longer has the same effect. Perhaps because the plunge has passed, and I’m still living, learning to walk again.